November 21, 2013

Biddai Woes: To cry or not to cry

Have you Maharashtrian girls heard of Salil - Sandeep's "Damlelya Babachi kahani" song? I am sure those who have listened to it must have shed a few tears on these lines:
"sasurala jata jata umbarathya madhe
babasathi yeil ka pani dolyamadhe?"
It's a song a father is singing to his daughter. In these lines, he asks his daughter:
"While leaving our house on your wedding day,
will you have watery eyes for your dad at the doorstep?"

Source: Beautiful South Asian Brides

By far this is the only song which has made me cry! I was (or should I say - I am) infamous in my family for my crying abilities. I have cried over the most ridiculous bollywood movies (I am ashamed to even mention them here!).. I remember once one of my cousins had a scorpion bite and I was the one crying.. That's not it! I can cry on happy occasions too!! 4-5 months after the wedding when we were just lazing around, the guy romantically mentioned that I haven't cried once post wedding.. And I had happy tears rolled down my eyes - That's me! Out of ALL the things that can make me cry - Biddai at weddings tops the list!
But boy will you believe me if I say I didn't cry at my own Biddai!?!?! I am still stunned at that fact. For the day dreamer that I am, I have cried even when I imagined my biddai!!
One of my friends who was going to shift to another country post wedding used to say "I am scared that  I won't be able to cry at the biddai. What do I do if everyone in the family is crying ?". She is one of those overpowered women who I believe has only cried when she was born. Emotional - but can't cry. And then she cried like a baby at her wedding!! Looking at her I said to myself - I am going to be a dead meat!
Like all normal father's, I seldom see my father cry. But ever since the wedding was fixed he just couldn't help it. I never saw him cry but mom used to secretly tell me after he did. I was even more scared. Like all normal daughter's, I hate to see my father cry!
Source: Vijay Eesam Photography
I feel there is a threshold level for every person. Beyond which he/she cannot take it. My threshold levels fall way below the datum line. Another peculiar pattern observed is that once I start it is very difficult for me to stop. Seriously! Tears keep rolling even after I laugh when somebody tries to lift my mood up. And there is very little I can do about it.
So, I was prepping myself up as I didn't want to see my father cry and I didn't want to have a makeup mishap during the Griha pravesh. I am a little sensitive about these things like Griha Pravesh. I wanted to enter my new house with all the positivity I could possibly have after an exhausting 10 hours. I have seen my bhabhi's crying at the wedding but hiding their tears once they reach home. Knowing my extreme mood swings, I knew it would take me a while to settle down after I am finished crying. So I was even more determined to not cry. Although I didn't know I would do such a good job by not crying at all.
What I did:
During Biddai, I diverted my mind towards other unnecessary things like I was checking whether my bag is being put in the right car. I was asking my cousins if they double checked the rooms before checkout. I was talking to guests on random topics coz I couldn't give them enough time during the wedding. Yes, I was THAT close to burst out! LOL :P
Source: Priyanka Dev Photography
Although I am not too proud of what I did coz by my way, I didn't even bid a final formal goodbye to my loving family. My father has given his formal good bye speeches (In Maharashtrian weddings, the Father of the bride or the likes have to formally handover his daughter to her in-laws saying please take care of her, etc) at so many weddings but he couldn't say those lines at his only daughter's wedding. Is it necessary to have all this formality when you know you all are going to meet each other the next day? When you know that your daughter's in-laws treat her like their own daughter. One of the reasons why a cry baby like me didn't cry was that I was marrying the guy I chose and was happy to be with. Though the guy didn't explicitly tell me this but he was so happy to see me being happy with him. I had become a little emotional but once we were in the car with our friends, he held my hand and I knew I did a right thing by not crying on such a beautiful new phase of my life!
Did you cry at your wedding? Or should I ask how much did you cry at your wedding? ;)


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  2. I am not married yet... But I love your blog... And I keep telling all my friends that I am going to take my mom along with me after I get married... The very thought of leaving my parents makes me jittery... My cousins tease me saying that they are going to dance in joy when my bidai takes place... :)

    1. Thank you Bhanupriya.. Cousins are the sweetest!! :)

  3. crying is emotion and it must happen.......

  4. A very sensitive moment for a bridal's life.


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